Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Worst Attractions Recap Part 1: Magic Kingdom

Okay, it's been almost two full months since my Disney trip and I have yet to post a real, legit post about the boring attractions I said I would attempt on such trip.  I think it's about time I mentioned them no?

The Magic Kingdom seems like the best place to start no?  Let me preface this and all subsequent posts by saying that my sister was unaware of my plan to do the boring attractions and also not really interested in doing them even though we had plenty of time for everything.  Nevertheless, she had to leave the trip early due to work so I had a full three days to do all the attractions she didn't want to do.

Somehow I still managed to miss a bunch.  These are the ones I did not miss:

  • The Liberty Square Riverboat: My god is this boring.  You stand on a giant ferry boat and it drives you around in a circle.  Most of what you see are remnants of the bog that the land on which Disney World now stands once was (read: trees and bushes and vines and stuff).  It's not even landscaped.  The spiel is cute enough I suppose but the visuals are severely lacking.  You see some scenes from Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn and whatever but no animatronics.  A cave with sounds coming out of it so you think there's a cheap bar hidden in there.  It's like Tom Sawyer's Island but less interactive, I think.  I barely remember what we saw actually.  The most I remember is that I counted the paddles on the paddle-part of the boat (11) and we kind of got a glimpse of the new Haunted Mansion graveyard (not the queue, but the graveyard that they moved to the back).  I never have to do this one again. 
    • Rating: 1 out of 10 Figments

  • The Railroad: You get the same kind of scenes as on the Riverboat - teepees with Native American mannequins (not AAs, fake-looking unmoving mannequins), statues of deer and some backwoods huts and stuff.  Unimpressive.  The spiel is much better than on the LSR, though, and you get a different view of the park as a whole.  The train still goes around the now-shuttered Toontown and makes a stop at that station with some spiel about the train needing water.  I tried to squint to see through the tarp covering the construction but was basically unsuccessful. 
    • Rating: 2.5/10 Figments

  • Astro Orbiter: It's like Dumbo but high up you say?  Um yes, basically that is correct.  I haven't been on Dumbo in YEARS, but I suspect that AO goes faster too.  Because when I went on AO, going so fast and being so high up, I felt like I was being pushed out (ahhh centrifugal force, you are not my friend!) so I was terrified of falling out.  I tried to talk myself out of the fear.  "Disney would never take that risk if it was really dangerous!"  "Look at that 4 year old having the time of his life in that other AO rocket. He's not scared!"  Alas, it didn't work.  The height + the speed = a 1 and done for me. 
    • Rating: 3 Figments

  • Stitch's Great Escape: The preshow is fine.  Even kind of cute.  The ACTUAL show is....meh.  I don't think it's as HORRIBLE as everyone says, but 1) it's not a classic so less forgivable than, say, the riverboats I guess, and 2) it occupies PRIME real estate that should go to a fantastic ride (SGE seems to make me all caps locky doesn't it?).  Still, I do not enjoy the burp in my face (ew), and if I hadn't known what to expect I would have really hated the "surprises" I think.  I remember being TERRIFIED (capsy again!) at Alien Encounter and really didn't like it, but at least it didn't smell gross and wasn't so saccharine.  It was too cutesy for adults and too scary for little kids.  And I don't love Stitch as a character.  He's alright but I don't understand the people who obsess over him.  He's kind of annoying and not even a classic. 
    • Rating: 3 Figments

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